my own version of “Or wandering through the field between the Hyatt and the Leela…” Ok, so maybe not. However, sometimes it does still feel like my heart is half there and half here. When I think about other future missions trips (to places other than Mexicali and Bagong Sikat) my heart says, “Can I do it again? Can I invest my heart and do this all over again?” I don’t know how to describe it except for (and I realize that I am completely unqualified to make this comparison b/c of lack of experience, but it’s the only thing I can think of) a mother wondering if she can survive the pain of childbirth and have another child. I don’t know right now.
I think I’m learning how to feel the hurt- to experience pain and walk the line between running through it to just get to the other side and wallowing in it. Maybe all pain isn’t inherently bad. Maybe it is necessary.
maybe I’m warbling like a bird that doesn’t know its song.
maybe I’m warbling like a bird that is trying out its song for the first time.