: of, suggesting, or suitable to a textbook; especially : classic

antonym: me

For a long time, my subconscious goal in life was to be textbook.  Doing what was expected helped me to feel in control and secure.  Sometime during college I learned that finding comfort in being conventional is not always the best way to live.

Fast forward to last summer, when my ear-nose-throat doctor met me and quickly declared that my vocal cord issues were less than textbook.  It wasn’t a compliment.  When he looked at my vocal cords and saw that one is bowed, he suggested a plan.  First, don’t get colds. (I made it 4 months on that step!)  Second, try steroids, antibiotics, and acid reflux blockers.  (Tried and failed.)  Third, go to speech therapy.  (I was a good patient, she said…until I lost my voice…again.)  Fourth, plump up the vocal cords with collagen. (Currently scheduled for spring break.)

In the meantime, I teach in a whisper, will do conferences with families tomorrow in a whisper, and learn to listen better.  Yes, I know that whispering is bad for me.  No, I don’t have the option of taking off everyday when I can’t talk- 15 days of school since December.

My comfort is now in knowing Jesus knows the whole story.  I may not be textbook, but He is the author of my life.  That book works for me, even if it’s not normal!

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