For a long time, my subconscious goal in life was to be textbook. Doing what was expected helped me to feel in control and secure. Sometime during college I learned that finding comfort in being conventional is not always the best way to live.
Fast forward to last summer, when my ear-nose-throat doctor met me and quickly declared that my vocal cord issues were less than textbook. It wasn’t a compliment. When he looked at my vocal cords and saw that one is bowed, he suggested a plan. First, don’t get colds. (I made it 4 months on that step!) Second, try steroids, antibiotics, and acid reflux blockers. (Tried and failed.) Third, go to speech therapy. (I was a good patient, she said…until I lost my voice…again.) Fourth, plump up the vocal cords with collagen. (Currently scheduled for spring break.)
In the meantime, I teach in a whisper, will do conferences with families tomorrow in a whisper, and learn to listen better. Yes, I know that whispering is bad for me. No, I don’t have the option of taking off everyday when I can’t talk- 15 days of school since December.
My comfort is now in knowing Jesus knows the whole story. I may not be textbook, but He is the author of my life. That book works for me, even if it’s not normal!