I have a cold, and I can talk! That’s reason for gratitude right there!
If you’re a longtime reader, you may remember that for most of my adult life (which isn’t actually THAT long but long enough in this case), I have lost my voice with each and every cold. For the past few years, it was the first thing that happened, and the whispering could last up to a couple weeks. This is a challenge, to say the least, when one is a teacher.
In May, I found out that the cause for this challenge is muscle tension aphonia- a fancy way to say that I get too stressed to talk. The physical stress of a cold is generally the precipitating factor, but my personality, I was told, contributes to the problem. Phrases like, “the harder you try, the worse it gets” haunted me from the day of diagnosis. I felt powerless to improve my situation and guilty for being the way I was.
In the desperation of wondering if I could stay in this career, why God would make me this way if it was so problematic, and other such panics, I told God that He would have to take care of this because, quite simply, I couldn’t. My best wasn’t good enough.
And He is. He is enough, and His grace has brought me to the present with the healthiest 9 months in recent memory, wisdom to change my habits of body and mind, and healing of my heart that allowed healing of my body. Where my own hard work to reduce stress only made my tension and voice worse, His gentle work has brought me deeper, sweeter peace than I could have imagined.
That’s why I’m singing hallelujah between the sneezes- I can, because He is good. It’s great to have a voice, but it’s better to know He’s the reason I do.