You know, but you don’t. You know in your head, but not in your heart.
And God is gracious nonetheless.
So often, God has not given me what I wanted. Despite knowing in my head that He loves me, I believed that He didn’t know/didn’t care/didn’t see/didn’t understand why He really should say “yes” instead.
I could look at it from a human/teacher perspective and see why “no” would be both necessary and beneficial, but at times, I could not for the life of me see why He wouldn’t give me my own way.
To look back now on just the last 10 years- the years since I graduated from high school and went to a university I didn’t want to attend in a state too hot for my taste by myself- is to see a little bit of why God’s “no” was so kind, even if I didn’t feel it. So many details of my experiences have prepared me for the next adventure.
Moving alone to ASU means I’ve already done the away-from-your-family thing, though not like this.
Finishing my degree means having a profession to use in ministry to missionary kids.
Five years of teaching experience means less anxiety professionally, time to teach kids with various needs, learning with different administrators, and more.
Interviewing in January to join One Challenge means less time to raise support. That means that I am just more sure it is God, not me, making it happen!
There are many more details, but suffice it to say that I am so grateful that my loving Father didn’t say “yes” a moment earlier. His ways may be hard to understand at times, but His wisdom and love are unsurpassable.
To be sure, there will be more times to hear “no” in the future; likely, I will not understand. But I do believe a little more, deep in my heart, that God is gracious.